The One Where I turned 21 !

So I’m pretty sure that every one dreams of their 21st birthdays, the way little girls dream of their sweet sixteen’s and weddings. Well my 21st birthday was nothing short of special and I owe it all to my Howard friends and my loving family.

I woke up slightly woozy from the night before that I had spent with my sister and her friends.         giphy (8)

Y’all should be old enough to know what that means by now. On November 10th at around 11:00 pm I was on cloud nine having the time of my life. I was finally about to be legal, because lets face it at 18 you still can’t do much of anything. Twenty one is supposed to be a whole different experience and I couldn’t wait!! By 12:00 I was slumped but it was okay because

I woke up with stank breath and smeared makeup but I didn’t care because it was MY BIRTHDAY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I was finally 21, grownt hunty grownt! God blessed me with another year and the celebration was nothing short of amazing. My roommate took me out to brunch before the celebration, which really ended up being first dinner because we didn’t eat until like 4:30 and then we went back to my dorm to get dolled up for my fancy night of shenanigans. giphy (10)

Now anyone that knows me, is aware of the fact that I’m not really the partying type, but dress me up and feed me at an upscale restaurant and I’m yours. I love getting fancy and going out, its much more my speed. So after my roommate and I went out for first dinner and came back, Tera (my roommate from freshman year) came over and beat my face to the gods and we got ready for second dinner.

Second dinner was held at Maggiano’s which is one of my favorites because pasta is the way to my heart and soul. The dress I picked felt like the perfect style and color for the big 21.


Red has always been a bold statement color and I usually steer clear of it but dammit I was turning 21 and everyone was going to notice if I had anything to do with it! For one day I had stopped crying, dusted myself off, lifted my head high and I truly felt like a princess. To make things even better, all of my friends, even the ones that can’t stand to look at each other anymore. They all came together for me and it was just too cute.

Anyway, my ensemble was a step up from your basic fit. I wore a red bodycon dress that had a giant ruffle/pleat going across the top, all the way around to the back. The zipper stretched all the way from the top of the dress to the bottom which added something special to it. I wore lace-up black heels borrowed from my sister, and vintage leather jacket with a very nice fur collar from my momma. My friends even bought me a crown to wear all night because I’m just that extra of a person.

If you know me, you know that birthdays mean everything to me, from who says is first to who says it last to who I get to celebrate it with. My birthday was one of the best days of 2017 that I had. At the restaurant we laughed, at good food and I ordered my first drink IMG_0188 which was absolutely terrible. It tasted like unhappiness with a little sugar around the rim. It was a calm no from me, I’d rather have a Shirley Temple with a jar of cherries piled in… Another nice part of the night was the amount of free stuff I managed to collect by the end. A nice older man gave me $10 to pay for my first drink which was just adorable, and our waiter gave me cheesecake I didn’t order in addition to my birthday cookies. The night was a success and I loved all my friends for it!

I bet y’all thought the night was over after that, nope nope nope. We stood outside while I took pictures in my fabulous fit, freezing to death of course my friends are some real ones for that. Then we all headed back to campus to go our separate ways, or so I thought! Instead when I walked in my room I was greeted with the same smiling faces I had just seen along with a gigantic cookie cake masterpiece made by my friend Sireice, two pretty bottles of wine and a bouquet of roses. IT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER! I’ve never been the girl who gets surprised by anyone so I was ecstatic that my friends went to all the trouble to make me happy on my special day. So my 21st birthday will always be one of my best memories, not because I got deathly drunk but because my friends celebrated with me “Chelsi style” and it was perfect.

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Last Years Lessons, a Little Bit Late

Hello world, I’m back after another drought, hopefully the last one for a long long time. It took me  a few days, nine exactly, to decide what I was going to write for you all. I wasn’t sure whether to keep it light and happy, or to leave you with something that weighs heavy on your souls. I’ve decided to just let it all out and hope that I fall somewhere between the two.

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What can I possibly say about 2017? It was the best worst year of my short 21 years of life. I was happy, sad, excited, depressed, fine, heartbroken and every other emotion you can think of.  The lows outweighed the highs but that just means my brightest seasons are yet to come.  Here’s a list of things I’d like to think I learned through all my 2017 trials and triumphant tribulations.

  1. Heartbreak happens… Yes it is sad sad sad sad sad but it happens and when it does you feel like the only one who has ever gone through it. This year I experienced my first true heartbreak and let me tell you all, my body had no idea how to react. I think I cried everyday for the first three months and then off and on for three more months. I didn’t eat, or rather I couldn’t finish full meals. I’d see food and know I was hungry, but take one bite and be finished. That was the MOST sickening part of it all considering  I am a proud proud food lover. Some days I didn’t eat at all and other days I’d fill myself with useless things like candy… Since I’m usually a happy person, I don’t think my brain could tell my heart or the rest of my body what to do so on days I was crying over him, I’d cry because the unhappiness just would not stop.  But Heartbreak happens, so IF you’re a believer in real love, the happiness is always with you beneath all of the hurt and love will always find you again if you just keep loving yourself first.
  2. Never put anyone above anything. In 2017 I’ve given too many people too many chances to makes things right that they don’t even see the wrong in. I’m not just talking relationships either I mean friendships too. People seem to think I have a revolving door permanently attached to my forehead.. They talk a good game at first but a few weeks later it’s the same behavior from 2016 and I don’t have room for it in my new more positive life. It’s hard if you’re as trusting as I am, especially when you love the person but I guess we were meant to love some people from very far away.
  3. TALK IT OUT! Whatever the situation, please talk it out. I found that when I was upset the only way for me to accept it and moved on, as slowly as I did, was to talk it out with whoever I could get to listen. I think my best friend Nyiah and I talked about it all at least a hundred times and it’s the only thing that truly made me feel better. I talked so much at first to try and breath life back into things that have died away, situations that are over. To try and make sure the memories stayed alive because that was easier than letting go…Then I was talking to make sense of it all, how could someone do this to me? How could she turn her back on me? How could he leave when I needed somebody the most? Once that was all over and I realized I wouldn’t be getting answers to all of those questions, I talked to kill those thoughts. To unravel every plan I had made without God’s consent, to let go, to numb the pain, the wipe away the question marks, to feel again and to think only of myself.
  4. Self love is way harder than people act like it is. To be real with you, it’s downright difficult and I wonder why all the time. It’s easy to tell someone you love them (for me at least) whether it be a friend or a boyfriend, and it’s easy for me to show how much I do so why can’t I show myself the same love. My guess is that from the time we’re born till forever people want to make the world an amazing place by teaching you how to give and love others. Everyone forgets to mention what happens when you give your all till the very last drop. Well then your glass is empty and everyone else’s is full while you’re still out there giving out a bunch of nothing… So even though it’s hard you should take the smallest steps every single day to love yourself and fill your cup so when the time comes you can pour into someone else who needs it.
  5. HAVE FUN!!!!! Even when you feel out of control, have fun with your friends and family. The ones who are deserving of your time and effort will be there exactly when they’re supposed to. The fun doesn’t stop when people leave, because that’s really God removing them anyway. Whether or not he brings them back in your life is no deciding factor in the amount of fun you get to have without them. They have their life while you have yours and it’s up to YOU to make yours more fun each day.

giphy (5) I know that was a lot but I like to share these things as I learn them, especially if theirs anyone out there who had no idea…like me. Stay tuned for my post about the new year, and all the ways to make it a good one.



Brought Fashion to the Show

Every year my school Howard University throws the gathering of all gatherings for homecoming. There are alumni events, undergrad events and some open to the public. The pep rally usually kicks of a week of fun however there wasn’t very much pep at the rally this year. So let’s fast forward to Thursday, the day of Pulse, the fashion show.

Leading up to homecoming I, along with the majority of bison, couldn’t find anything worth buying to wear for the entire weekend f festivities so we just decided to wing it… My version of winging it was to design and sew my outfit all by my lonesome with a bit of help from my mom. Only problem was that I had one weekend, which turned into one day to make my outfit, which turned into one pair of pants by the end of that weekend and a me making the shirt between classes up to the night before the show.  IMG_9874

Now don’t forget, I’m not even in the fashion show nor are my designs but the fit for the event ALWAYS matters at Howard, there’s no escaping that. So here’s to my stunning, yes quite stunning, fashion show fit with my Diana Ross inspired hair.





I’m not really sure where I got the idea for this outfit but I’m glad it came out the exact way I pictured it, glamorous and elegant as well as colorful and fun. When you look good you feel good and I felt a billion times better knowing that absolutely no one would be wearing the same outfit as me.









As I told you before this look was inspired by Diana Ross and when I think of her I think big glam hair along with perfect accessories to match. So I opted for HUGE wand curls that I brushed out right before I left my dorm. They took about four hours to complete but it was so worth it. I’m not much of a makeup person yet so I did my absolute best with what I had.

IMG_9882I wore at least two layers of  Miss Manga Voluminous Mascara by L’Oreal, NYX Black Liquid liner, Maybelline Fit Me foundation and Sephora microsmooth luminizer “Stardust”. On my lips I wore MAC’s On and On lipstick with their clear Lipglass on top.

And no, the night wouldn’t have been complete without a few Snapchat pics to make the memories last forever.

“It takes a long time to get to  be a diva. I mean you gotta work at it.” ~ Diana Ross

There’s no better time to be a diva than NOW…


Did You Mesh Me?

Did you mesh me? I hope so because I have more exciting outfits and things to share with you all. Today we’re talking about the tailgate, how I missed it, and what I wore while I was missing it. You know you always have to look good…

So I woke up probably around 9, and didn’t make it out of my dorm until like 2 pm because this D.C. weather is oh so unpredictable. IMG_9938 It was way hotter than I expected and I had to switch up my fit real quick.

For my makeup I kept it simple, I don’t like to wear much when I know I’ll be sweaty and uncomfortable. All I did was fill in my eyebrows, put on mascara and my Ruby Woo MAC lipstick, because who doesn’t love a classic red lip.






Originally I was supposed to wear this with high waist jeans but that heat was too much, my knees would’ve been sweating. I opted for this black mesh overlay dress from Forever 21, black satin bralette $7 from Forever 21 as well. I Paired these with high waist snakeskin print shorts from H&M also 7$ and my Steve Madden clear booties that I absolutely adore.IMG_9936 What I loved about this mesh dress was that I was as cool as I could possibly be without being naked. Plus mesh is definitely back in, and it feels good to take the trend and make it my own. Plus it flowed so nicely when I walked, just pulled the whole fit together.

These shorts were so so so comfy, and they fit just right. I’m nor sure about the rest of you ladies out there but I’ve been stuck one too many pair of shorts that leave me breathing funny because they’re too tight in the waist but fit great everywhere else. These had the perfect amount of stretch too, I could actually sit down without my skin spilling over.

Now my shoes are a whole different story and I’d be telling a fierce lie if I didn’t let y’all know that I took these off right after these pics were taken. My feet were on FIRE, one because they’re plastic, and two because I love the look of heels but hate the feel and my feet were screaming for help! I never ran so fast too find a cute pair of sandals in my life.  IMG_9922





Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this post and if you stick around I’ll show you how I wear this same dress in more Fall like temperatures. XOXO ♥

Stunt WITH your Growth, Don’t Stunt your Growth

I promise I’ll get better at my lack of consistent blogging one day. However exciting things are happening and I can’t wait to share them with you all! At the beginning of July I wasn’t my best self but I was on the struggle bus to unhappiness, but things are looking up, they always were. Over these few months God has shown me that He always has my best interest at heart and when He does, I always feel that its necessary to share with you.

God has removed, rearranged and reintroduced so many people into my life in these last few months its crazy. I’ve seen more inspirational posts about growth than I care to revisit in my mind. Mos of them are about cutting people off and knowing your worth, but they don’t mater until you are at a point where enough has become enough. You have to push yourself and make the move to become the happiest you for you and whoever is supposed to be around you, whoever deserves to share that happiness and feel the warmth of your sunshine will gravitate in when they’re supposed to.

  1. You mustn’t fight change. I used to hate change especially change that didn’t bring me immediate happiness. The very thought of it brings about a sadness that sometimes still lingers but I’m getting better. I saw a text post last night and it basically said that you have fall in love with change and growing, in order to progress when you feel you’ve been stuck. EMBRACE! Its way easier said than done, but I absolutely promise that when you do it you’ll feel better. You don’t have to do it all at once, it may come in waves, but you must trust that you can make yourself the happiest you. There will still be ups and downs but if you can grasp this concept it will lighten the load a bit.
  2. You ABSOLUTELY must take risks, and stop holding yourself back. For my first two years at Howard I was totally quiet and shy (I still am but in smaller doses) and was convinced that my writing wasn’t good enough to apply for internships, and my sewing wasn’t good enough to show people or get noticed. I was so so wrong. I started applying for internships in July, secured two by August and one more this week!
  3. Don’t be afraid to try things that aren’t completely on track with what you think you want to do in the future. I never thought i’d be interning for a company in the music industry. There’s always a way to expose yourself to new things while gaining experience in your own craft. I thought I had to have internships based completely on writing, and honestly those can be pretty boring… If you can connect two things that you like go for it! No regrets..
  4. Be selfish with your time, your energy, your space and your love. Don’t keep granting people access to you when they want it. One, they’ll never learn to truly value you because it seems as if you don’t value yourself. This goes for friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, partners and even family members! Yes family can be out of line too some days.

PHEW! Okay now that all of my hopefully helpful tips are out of the way here come the fun parts, unveiling my internships.

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First we have my super exciting position as a Style Guru for College Fashionista!!!! I was overjoyed when I heard back from them because as you all know (I think) the fashion world is where I hope to be in the future. Somehow I’ll make a difference in doing so and getting a foot in the door feels mighty fine. IMG_9504 SEE I’m official!

Second I’ll be interning with Live the Biz as a digital marketing intern. Yayyyyyyy for music! The entertainment industry fascinates me so I’m quite intrigued to be exposed to the culture that comes with music. Learning about new artists is always fun for me because sometimes I get tired of mainstream music, its overplayed just saying..

I know I said I had three positions, but I’d like to wait to reveal the last one it hasn’t started yet so I don’t know what I’ll be doing. Just know I’m working and growing trying to prepare myself to make the world a better place!





A Few Hairstyles for Every Naturalista to Try cont…

Now I’m going to take you all on journey through almost all of my crochet braid hairstyles. In my experience crochet braids didn’t really become popular until I was in high school, mostly because I wasn’t exposed to anyone who wore them. Up until my sophomore year in high school, everyone I knew wore braids, twists, or weaves and my mom wouldn’t let me have one for the longest so I had to improvise.

There are tons and tons and TONS of videos on Youtube that explain in great detail, how to actually install crochet braids so I wont go too far into that. Basically you start with conrows and pull the extension hair through the braid, then you do a few loops and pull it taught against the scalp. I recently discovered that not all people do it that way but for beginners purpose, that’s how I did mine.

I really wanted weave because at the time it seemed so versatile, and I wanted long luscious hair that would stay straight, unlike my natural hair. Keep in mind that this is before I really came to love my natural hair, so these protective styles were for hiding as well.. Everyone black girl at school I knew had weave, whether it be long and straight or long and curly they had it and I wanted it! I had to figure a way around it so when I saw a Tumblr post about straight crochet braids I became obsessed. I went to the hair store, bought about 10 packs of jumbo extra long straight kanekalon hair and went to town! IMG_7416 As you can see I went a bit overboard and ended up looking like Cousin Itt. I had my sister install every single pack of hair and it was the biggest hair fail I’ve had to date. I wanted the blown out look and that’s exactly what I got, and more..a whole lot more. The next day at school I had girls coming at me left and right asking what kind of hair it was and touching it so see if it was read and how it got in there. Not to mention my non black friends who were astounded by the amount of weekend hair growth I had experienced lol.

giphy (1) <—– How I looked walking around.

After that we shortened the hair quite a lot and I wore it for about two months but it was an atrocious sight compared to the beautiful work I do now. However I did get some cute pictures out of my epic fail.


Next we have my crochet twists which I became a little two fond of and now I can’t stand them. This was my go-to style for about two years, of course other styles in between but I  FullSizeRender (1)always went back to these. They are by far the easiest and least time consuming of all crochet’s in my opinion and that is because you don’t have to take the time to pull and separate the hair. They come pre-twisted and are very full and fluffy. You can also by them in your desired length and size. As of now, I’ve only seen crochet senegalese twists, which are less coarse than marley twists but I am sure they’re on the horizon. Anyway. crochet twists became a favorite of mine because they gave me a sort of chunky 90’s box braid look, but with twists instead. If you are not the perfect braider, these are perfect for that jumbo long look. If you don’t like a lot of hair try a smaller size.

I know this is a lot of info but I am a strong believer in crochet braids being the absolute best protective styling, especially if you don’t enjoy wigs and weaves. There should be little to no tension on your own hair unless you are constantly yanking at it, plus they can be versatile and blend well with different textures of African American texture hair..without the insane cost you’d pay if you were buying kinky bundles. I’m not knocking weaves, but if you want to be cute on a budget, crochet braids are where it’s at.

Following my interest in the longer hair I did these using the Freetress Gogo Curl hair. They weren’t my favorite because the hair just kept slipping loose and I had to continuously tighten them at the root. They looked really big and shiny in the beginning too but the longer I wore them, the more natural the shine became. Another con with these was that the hair in the back became very knotty and i had to pull, yank and cut multiple hunks of the hair out but the overall look was nice. FullSizeRender

My method of installing crochet braids has never changed so really it’s all about the different hair you want, and the looks you want to achieve. In the beginning I was all about length and now I find myself gravitating towards volume. Big hair be having you like

giphy in the mirror.

The first time I did the big hair, I had the nerve to do it big and bright red too! Well mostly black but there were highlights which I still don’t know if I like them or not. Everyone else seemed to though so I guess that’s nice. This was my first attempt at curling marley hair with hot water, and it was the best job my sister and I have done. I have tried to replicate and failed miserably…

FullSizeRender (1)  I kinda hated these when we first finished I was like, “Chels what were you thinking?” I still don’t know what I was thinking, but the bounce that those curls had, GURLLLLLL you couldn’t tell me anything. I’ve never enjoyed walking around so much in my life. These didn’t give me any trouble, and I even got to pull them up into a puff like up-do when I felt like it.

This next style is almost identical to the one I just showed you but this one is like my favorite EVER. I used pre-curled Jamaican Bounce hair, I forget the brand but if you search it, you’ll see. It was so so so soft and bouncy and full. This was the first hair I ever wore in a middle part and I felt fantastic. I usually don’t do middle parts but this hair honestly looked its best that way.

See its super cute, and I glowed lol. This hair gave me so much life, even strangers in DC liked this hair as much as I did.

Anyway, I hope this post gave some insight to crochet braid styles if you didn’t already have some. It’s probably my favorite way to style my hair, although I do get tired of it from time to time my hair grows the fastest when cornrowed and tucked away neatly from the harshness of the environment, and my own fingers. Don’t be afraid to try the big hair guys seriously, its life changing, confidence boosting, and fly too.






A Few Styles for EVERY Naturalista to Try

Hey guys! So today I’m feeling better and I’m going let you guys in on a few hairstyles that you should try if you are currently natural or transitioning. Keep in mind that not all of these styles are extremely easy and will take up a good chunk of your time. So it’s probably best to carve out a weekend to do them.

Faux Locs (also known as silky locs, loc extensions, bohemian locs, goddess locs, etc. )

IMG_7131This is a picture of the back of the regular faux locs I did on myself while I was at school. As you can see, they were lower back length and very full. Installing these took my about 2-3 days and each day felt like it was about 45 years long. I thought I’d never finish my hair then have to miss class, then fail out… Lol yes it got that real.

I did my research on Youtube of course, watching tutorials on the different ways to install them in order to achieve my desired length and fullness. I fell in LOVE with one video in particular, if I can find it again I’ll leave a link. The girls hair was so full with great length that just flowed so freely I had to try them for myself. The video was a favorite of mine because of the method she used. Instead on braiding underneath (which I cannot do) she began with twists and that made it 1000000000 times easier and faster for me. I ended up buying 9 packs of kanekalon hair because my head is big and I like a lot of hair anyway, in addition to 6 or 7 packs of marley braiding hair for the wrapping. I wanted my locs to look a bit more realistic and to have less of a silky look.


After the process was done I was really pleased with myself, because I don’t know many people who can do faux locs on themselves. I know even less people who pronounce the word “faux” correctly but I digress… I kept these in my head for about a month and a half to two months, mostly because I was afraid my hair would dry out and break off during the take down but it didn’t! If you are going to do these, you ABSOLUTELY MUST moisturize your hair with whatever you choose but do not skip this step. If you do, you better hope your hair doesn’t fall out and blow away like tumble weave.

I hope you enjoyed this snippet about my experience with faux locs done a different way than usual. Black hair is so so magical, we can literally do just about everything with our hair and it will flourish. Not to mention the envy we face from other…never mind that’s a discussion for another time.






I’d like to speak briefly with Time himself and ask why he was always lost.
He was always off or there wasn’t enough of him to go round.
He gave me just enough of himself to build up hopes and let down a wall only to run away like a thief in the night, not making a sound.
I wouldn’t say I wasted him, although that was the initial feeling.
Never took him for granted because I didn’t know what he was stealing.
Years down the road I guess time ran out of breath and quit on us.
He left without warning, just hopped on a bus.
Time stole something from me and I’d like to have it back.
Time is still on that bus holding it, watching it crack.
He’s riding off into the darkness and now I have to follow.
But time never told me about our little trip into the shadows…
I can only hope I catch up with Time,
To take back what’s mine,
To stop pretending I’m fine,
To undo his lie.
Time has been quite slippery,
quite sneaky,
quite slick.
It’s a wonder someone hasn’t hit Time with a brick.
Stopped him so we could hold on to the moments that matter most.
Time has something of mine and I’d like it back….

A Black Woman’s Magic

The reason I wrote the previous post was in hopes that it may reach anyone else that is in a similar positions as myself. Going through break-ups from romantic relationships or even friendships can be hard enough to get through alone, and it’s nice to know that you are not alone. Being that this is my first real heart break, I didn’t know whether to feel stupid, sad, alone, angry, hurt or all of the above. Feeling like you are the only one going through despite what everyone tells you is a terrible feeling to have. So I write this for anyone who has any of those feelings I described to you earlier. I have a vision and a dream that this blog will become a place for black girls and women first and foremost, to come and gain knowledge and wisdom that the women in my life are passing down to me. Throughout the last six months I don’t think anyone has helped me more than my mother, my sister, and my best friends from home and at school. They are all strong black women who I am blessed to have in my life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am a very stubborn person, and these lovely ladies have observed the situations and let me make my own graceless mistakes, but they have wrapped me in their love and surrounded me with the love of ten thousand villages. They have kept me strong through it all, and quite grounded. No one deserves to feel alone in any situation, so this one’s for the little black girls inside all of us black women.
img_0318 Haha memories! My best friends from home.
img_0131                                                                                                                                                   An d last but not least, my big sister!
I hope you all enjoyed this.

My plans vs God’s plans

 I know I haven’t blogged or written anything in a very long time, but recent events in my life have inspired me to do so.
At this point in my life, I am no longer in a relationship and I have less friendships than I thought I would too. I’ve had to learn, the hard way, that when people want to walk out of your life, they will do either one of two things. Thee first option being that they’ll literally walk out on you no matter how hard you fight, no matter how much love you poor into the situation. The second option is that they’l show you in their own actions that you clearly are not meant to be in their lives, either at this particular point in time or forever. Whichever option they choose, they always end up showing you and you have to learn when to fight and when to let go. The trouble is, when the bond you have with a person is so deep and so strong, you don’t think of the possibility of letting any of them go. The thought never crosses your mind. Like once your heart is all the way in it, your brain has absolutely no chance at convincing you that forever doesn’t last too long.
     It’s ironic actually, “Forever Don’t Last” is the name of a song by Jazmine Sullivan. A song that I had earlier refused to listen to, because I thought it was sad, and I was also under the silly notion that forever indeed meant forever. The truth is that we don’t know how long forever really is, only God does. He can make forever be as long as he wants them in your life, or as long as you need them in your life. He can make forever actually forever, or he can make it those 10 minutes that felt as if they were forever. In the song, Sullivan sings “Lord knows I gave I my all and/ I couldn’t save us from falling/ Cause some people ain’t meant to be together forever forever” and it’s a lesson I have to learn. Everyone keeps telling me that these are lessons I have to learn in life weather I like it or not, but it still feels unreal. Once you really love someone you expect them to love you back the same way, if not more! Not everyone is like that though, and it is a valuable lesson to learn once you are willing to accept it.
     The stress of these lessons being thrown at me back to back has proven to be quite a lot. I’ve felt broken, empty and many other things I dislike. Being a happy person most of the time, it really weighs heavy on my heart when it takes long periods of time to get back to the happiness I already have inside. I guess you begin relying on other people for your happiness when you get close enough to them. Losing yourself along the way is a dangerous thing, especially when the forever isn’t actually forever and you have to go back and find that strong person you were before all of these people. This is where God’s plan comes into play. I have tried and tried to make such bonds last for strenuous amounts of time just because I thought I needed them, and because I wanted them to last. However, it seems as though God has another plan for me, and He is obviously removing these people from my life for reasons that I am unaware of. There hasn’t been one year where my faith has been challenged so often except this one. In 2016 I have never been so surprised in my entire life. Maybe God has better things waiting for me, maybe he’s preparing better people for me, and me for them. Maybe my “forever” wasn’t meant to be forever just yet but the faith I now have is unbelievable. Finally starting to accept things for the way they are rather than my hopes of what they will be or what they could’ve been is a beautiful thing. Some days it’s harder than others, and some days it’s like nothing has happened at all. I guess that’s just part of the journey to becoming the best version of myself, the version God knows I will be if I just let go and have faith.
~ Chelsi